I shouldn't.

Finally, today you wake me up from the sweet dreams that you have given to me past few days.
Yea, I'm now awake.
At first I thought that I don't care whether I will get hurt.
I thought that you will know.
I thought that I mean something.

But I shouldn't have them in my mind.

It's really pain..
The feeling is awful..

You make me clear about the relationship between us.
I will not dream for the possibilities anymore.
thank you for giving me the best present ever for my birthday.

What happened?

I think it's over?
Passion does not flare anymore.
Haha
That's just me. I guess.
I'm glad that nothing starts.
So nothing's gonna end.
Or I should put it this way:
We stop it before any hurt takes place.

I don't know what the ending would be.
Closer? Or end up like stranger for the second time?
I'm sick of figuring it out.
I'm tired. Exhausted.
I mocked myself. I did.
Wtf? Why did I let myself be a love fool again?
Can I be the one I used to be?
That's just not me!

But then another me said:
I can be very happy if I don't request too much.
Present matters the most. Do not think that much.
Because it will only torture myself.
If it comes to an end, just let go.
Of course it would be better if it could last.
But I'm not so sure if I can do this.
I'm not sure if he can, too.
Now I don't even know what's on his mind! God..
Who says girls are complicated?
Boys as well!
sigh. How good if humankind are simple..
He makes me think a lot.
He makes me confuse myself.
He makes me happy, make me angry,
And makes me crazy :P
I'm just..not ready to give him up.

I'm really going insane!
Somebody help me! :(

i want a brand-new starting.

i have deleted my older posts.
it's funny when i viewed back them. haha :/
i did laugh at myself when reading those blogs
*goosebumps appeared
seldom use chinese after studying in my college
unfortunately my english is just so-so -.-
now i am indeed a 'half-pail-water'.
how sad, huh?


i realize a lot of things after living in kl for almost 2 years.
all about friendship, relationship and kinship.
now i know that people won't treat you back the way how you treat them.
no matter how much you treasure, they just don't do the same thing.
you're just nothing. 


and then i recalled a sentence, "you can hardly find a true friend in college"
guess what? i totally agree.
maybe i am just bad at making new friends? haha :/
so i really miss those time we spent together. when we were still in secondary school.
those time we studied together, played together..
we were being ourselves.
regardless how people looked at us. we just believed in ourselves.
your sincere friendship to me is really important.
you guys rock my world! xoxo
people drift apart. but i don't wish that it will happen to us.
nothing will come between us. 

i miss you guys. <3

*shit i lost many of our photos.. :(


time flies!soon i will be a 21-year-old LADY :D
officially grown up.
sigh. how i wish i can never grow up.
carefree days are leaving me...arghhh
i've been thinking about what i did for the past 21 years.
and i can't figure out anything.
the only thing that i can conclude is i try my very best to cherish every moment in my life.
we live only once, so don't waste it. enjoy life!

be with the one you love, and do what you love to.

well i wish too but i am just too coward to make my first step :(
and i am not able to do that currently.
i have my responsibility on my studies. 
it is driving me crazy! 
as you know i am really lazy.. * oops 


that's all for today. haha.*wink

i hope there is a bright future awaits me.
bless me!